Words That I Am Proud Of...

One lazy afternoon
When the music played
You and I

And the wall clock
Moments ticking by
I didn't hear

But I did
The rhythm of your breath
Merge with mine

Did my arm hurt you?
Or my breath,
Too warm?

I dare not move
Dare not sleep
As You

Fit in to me,
A statue
A mold

And nothing now
Only crumpled sheets
A blue bangle

And this feel...

across one aisle to another
a sheath of light from this window
and another
they gazed
'You don't call me anymore
when it's time for the night?'

i didn't have any words
just half a blink in pain
while the train chugged on
across an iron bridge;
and with my finger tips
i touched her palm

Dreams supposedly have a strange way of coming true...

I sure wish mine did...

The Butterfly Effect

Just finished watching 'The Butterfly Effect'. It reminded me of this movie, 'Run Lola Run' starring Franka Potente where there are three alternative scenarios occuring in succession because of a minor alteration in the way events unfold. A trigger, A result and A wide expanse of happenings in between and the possibility of a minor change in any one of them altering the result in a drastic way. Thats what The Butterfly Effect is about. Ashton Kutcher wants to change the way the world is and makes numerous attempts at it by going back in time to change the future. He fails at each attempt, he realizes that the end is not something he really wanted and even though he has the opportunity to alter the future the way he wants, something will always go wrong. In the end, he does end up making his peace with his world, albeit with compromises...like never getting to be anywhere near the girl he's loved so much.

Thought provoking.

An Evening in Delhi

I would be meeting her after a gap of almost 3 months. She was coming to Delhi for the first time. I was a bit tired from the previous night office party. But it didn't matter, she was in Delhi only for a couple of days. We managed to arrange for a rendezvous on Thursday after our office hours. I thought Dilli Haat would be a place she would love, all the handicrafts and jewellery shopping should excite her. She herself had heard about it so much. I was apprehensive if she would find something that she'd want to buy. Bombay roadside shopping is at least as good as Delhi shopping, if not better.

She notices the silver jewellery stall and her eyes lit up. Earrings. She likes a pair but it is overpriced, she feels. I tell her to bargain, but its different to bargain in Bombay and in Delhi. I ask her why and she says just so, she has never been to Delhi. There were a number of handicraft stalls, hand woven fabrics, earthenware...I am happy I took her to the place. She selects two pairs of earrings and bought them without any bargaining. The shopkeeper wont bargain when there are other customers around, she says. Finally, she asks me to wait and walks up to a girl buying at the next stall and asks her how much can one haggle. The girl shares her wisdom, she bought a garment for 150 bucks after the shopkeeper quoted 300 for it. My lady is happy, confident now. Bedsheets, short kurta, leather bag, wallet, saree, cushion covers.

It was dark now. Finally topped it off with momos and fruit beer at the food court. And the old man played a beautiful tune on his 'Ektara'...Pallo Chhatke or something. She said she didn't like the song, but the instrumental tune sounded heavenly. Soon it was time for our rendezvous to end and find an auto to Lodi Estates where her room was. We both noticed the wet earth, smell of grass and moist wood in the air. I dropped her and went on...on my way home. It would be a long drive.

A heavy heart, a break from the loneliness...and a rakhi. :)

Bahut daaru peene se saala liver kharab ho jaata hai...

Does lager count?

*hic

A shiver runs through
And yet they are only words
What you once thought
Was forever a companion
Is also destined

It will follow its own path
With just as much disregard
No place for you, No thought of you

Remember those harmless jokes
Part of what you thought
A memory for a lifetime
And then came a phone call
Innocuous, but stopped you still

For someone, it was merely
Piece of information
Important, nonetheless

But it leaves a gaping hole
A shiver runs through...

Its a perfect day...

I say: You know, somehow, I always imagined that things would move in that direction for both of us at similar times. But I guess your gender caught up with you.

She says: Yes, apart from the fact that my boyfriend's 5 years older to me.

I say: Trust me, that's a whole lot better than having a girlfriend older than you.

p.s. Its been really great but I'm sorry...no more friends who are going to tie the knot in the near future. I have enough already.

Cryptic days are back again

It has been raining
The cycle rickshaw pulled me home
A different route
Bungalows, Flowers on the edge
Starry sky, scented air

A long forgotten letter
Yellowed and frayed
Reminder to a long back time
From where I came
To where I am

Should I burn it
The comfort of a few pages
In my wallet, under my bum
It felt like a friend,
Like two pice coins
Tied to a red string
Till I gave it a tug
Once too hard

Had a talk with Pavan just a while ago. He is going through what I went through a few years back. The sad part is that my experience is of no use. He will commit the same mistakes that I did. He will pay for them as I did. We both suck.

Hum dono.
Kutte Kamine.
I am the kutta.
So he is kamina.

Arth

Rekhaon ka khel hai muqaddar
Rekhaon se ma'at kha rahe ho...

:)

Shadow of a City

She lies there in wait
One day, he will
Ride a horse
From yonder
Amidst the dust,
The sound of hooves

And the long wait
Will reach its zenith

Till then, she will lie
Battered and bruised
Shaken to the core
Ravaged, again and again
A dozen times
Not by men,
A more vicious thrust

She is bleeding,
her clothes torn apart
And her listless hair
Blow across her face
Hide, they can't
The resilience,
the set jaw betrayed

But the spirit is now weakening
She has seen many evenings
Her shadow has moved
A countless rotations around her
While the dust swirls
She waits
The stark look in her eyes

Still
Very still...

Yesterday, Sis was grumbling about how there are always expectations from society...

She said first it was studies, then it was marriage, then its kids..then second kid...

Basically, she was told a couple of times over the weekend to think of a kid now that she's been married one year...

I totally sympathize with her..poor girl...
.
.
.
.
.

.

I'd say...HAVE TWINS!!!

_______________________________________________

And this song is for...ahem...

My life isbrilliant

My life is brilliant

My love is pure

I saw an angel

Of that I'm sure

She smiled at me on the subway

She was with another man

But I won't lose no sleep on that,

'CauseI've got a plan.

You're beautiful.
You're beautiful.

You're beautiful,

it's true.

There must be an angel

with a smile on her face,

When she thought up

that I should be with you.

But it's time to

face the truth,

I will never be with you...

- You're Beautiful

James Blunt

One of the most beautiful photographs I have seen. Wish I could share it though...

This post was supposed to have been put up earlier...but then got put into the drafts..and then I thought...WTF!!!

He was never used to waking up early. Sunrise was a luxury, he didn't have the price to pay for. He had spent the night packing his belongings. Books, clothes, photographs, important papers, trinkets... Two years, he's spent in the city... and it was time now to leave it, for good...or for worse.

He was not in bed. Unpacked clothes had taken his place. He was on the floor, a thin mattress beneath him, the fan above. Strange calm. He woke up and saw the bluish haze of sunrise outside his window. He would go up to the terrace, he decided. It was the mist perhaps, or the dust...as he looked out to the East. The house lay on the fringe of a cantonment area, expanses of green just beyond a road, and a solitary building. There was no breeze, yet the slight chill hung in the air. Slowly, the sun rises and casts silhouttes of the treeline. It is a harsh bright that day, already burning hard. He knew there was a cemetery somewhere amongst those trees. Neatly kept, clean tombstones pretty fence around it, the road wound besides it. And he also knew, that amidst those trees was a house. A grey stone house, with a sloping red tile roof, a circle of a lawn in front of it. Pots of plants along the driveway and on the porch. A bridge across the river...

Jag jaa re gudiya
Misr ki pudiya
Meethe lage do naina

Naino mein tere
Hum hi base the
Hum hi base hai, hai na?

O re raani, gudiya
Jag ja
Are Jag ja
Ari Jag ja
- Jag Ja
Omkara

Bombay Meri Jaan

I have never missed Bombay as much as I did these past couple of days....

It is so easy to be someone you are not
and so bloody difficult being what you are...

Caller Tune:
sing us a song you're the piano man
sing us a song tonight
well we're all in the mood for a melody
and you got us feeling alright
- Piano Man
Billy Joel

Sick and Bored

Discovery #1: The Lady is just 26 years old. t-w-e-n-t-y s-i-x. Does that make me happy? Or does that make me sad?

Discovery #2: The cluster map on the side bar indicates this blog had a visitor from Ghana. Am I amazed? Or is it a prank?

Discovery #3: Ok, this one's not original, but I choose to think of it too late for any good. You get a cold when you play in the rains for over 3 hours. How long does chyawanprash take to make me stronger?

Discovery #4: I am supposed to be a consultant with access to privy information and a resource of priceless suggestions on the real estate sector. Do I pretend to be one or do I admit that Im just 2 months into the organisation and therefore have limited access to the data (which does have a price, howsomuch preposterous it might seem to our clients)?

Office Office

The Lady
30 years
Corp Comm
Married
2 dogs
One cocker spaniel
Photos with Chappell, Dravid, Saurav, Sachin on her tackboard
A-t-t-i-t-u-d-e

Ive been two months here
Never spoken to her

It's just a little crush
Not like I faint everytime we touch
It's just some little thing
Not like everything I do depends on you
Sha la la, sha la la
Sha la la, sha la la
- Crush
Jennifer Paige

My Love Affair with Delhi

A friend pointed out to me the irony...

I lost my digicam last year while on a two day trip to Delhi. I left it in a cab (Toyota Qualis) on the way back home after the alumni meet.

Today I lost my cell phone. Again it was a cab.

Sadi Dilli!

6th July

He would have been living for 28 years
He would have been working for 7 years
He would have been a husband for 3 years
He might have been a father for 1...

Happy b'day dear bro.

Life is short
shorter, for some

Today, I remember
We had gone shopping together in Bombay. Identical jeans, black, faded. Except that yours was many inches bigger. Then we went to the small park on chowpatty...

Rain Rain Come Again

Its been raining cats, dogs and hippos in Mumbai while the weather is bone dry in Delhi. I wonder what did delhites do to earn this fate?

As kids, we used to sing a rhyme, taught to us by aunts...

'Yere yere pausaa
Tula deto paisa
Paisa hota khota
Paus aala motha'

Come come O rain,
I'll give you money
(then it rained)
The money is false
But the rains are big
(so I fooled the rains)

Dreams

Half, you will paint the horizon

Tears, you will weave the scarf

Stuck, you will take me sightseeing

Nightmare, you will write for me

Speechless, you will see through

Time, you will not break apart

Fog, you will buy me treasures

Distant, you will give a name

My hands, you will cry

Rushed, we will dance

Build, we will have warmth

Ecstasy, we will create

Life, we will meet

Will we...

Sometimes, things appear differently in hindsight. Yesterday I was telling a couple of friends about this place called Roxy's in Kolkata. I'd mentioned it before in one of my posts that it is this high-society lounge in the Park Hotel on Park Street, where the interiors are sexy and the music okayish, entry is by invitation only. When I was telling them about that place, it all seemed so wrong. The entire concept of the place is just a hyped up strip joint. Undoubtedly, most of the clientele in the place were men, mostly young and I can vouch for the fact that they were there not for the booze (damn expensive) or the music (just so so), but they were there for these girls who serve. Young pretty women, probably studying in some college, there at your beck and call, refilling your glass, lighting your cigarette for you.

It all seemed wrong and I don't think I'll cherish the experience of going there.

Time Again...

Do you remember the times when there was a family get together in your house. There was an occasion, an imminent wedding or a festival and it was time for relatives from far flung corners of the city to drop in and have a good reunion. You had the chance to meet up with the entire bunch of cousins. The entire house was lit up and the noise was deafening. For once, you were unconcerned about the admonishments from that watchful parent, everyone was in a jovial mood. Pestering the good hearted uncle, you asked for money to go and buy the orange ice candy at the department store just outside the colony. Showing your reddened lips and tongues to everyone and compare who had the most colored one. Bursting crackers on the open plot besides your house. Sharing bragging tales about summer hol escapades. Wondering in amazement about how tiny the hands of the newborn baby are, the latest addition to the extended family. It meant good food. It meant running around the house till you tire yourself, or until someone happened to have a bad fall and after a good chiding you had to settle to quiter games. Playing 'dark room', looking for a scapegoat for the jokes. Small sums of money given by the elders when you touched their feet in respect.

And then you grow up, take different paths and find your own friends outside the family. Distances grow and the reunions are fewer and far in between. Differences set in. You realise that you may not relate to them anymore. Nostalgia over the past. The same cousins are now getting married. The surly uncle who used to admonish the cousin who had a runny nose, is no more. Simple things as orange ice candy lost its sweetness. Dark room and games such are but kiddish. You wonder if all of that will ever come back again.

And sometimes, it rewinds all over again. There is a time again when all of you are together again. Uncles, aunts, cousins, distant cousins are back again. The house is lit up again. The aroma of home cooked biryani is just as fresh.

I lived a part of that time again today.

Zindagi Migzara
(Life goes on)
- Afghani saying