I flew a kite this Sunday. A little white one, plain, serene. With a pink thread. And away it flew in the gusty breeze of the December evening. I let the string loose from the reel. Fed it with memories from a time long gone. There must have been lots of them, for the kite went far and high. Too small to bear the burden, I'd thought, but I was wrong. Until it got entangled with another kite. A furious tug and the battle was won, and up it soared high and mighty. A celebration too soon. Along came another one, big. I tried to get under it but it was too late. I let my kite go. It was too weak and tired from the first fight. To a faraway land it went. I must have been holding on too tight. Open my fist and just let it go. Happy!

At the wedding, they kept asking me when I was planning to tie the knot myself. Finally, I asked them 'What are your plans NOW?'.
That shut them up.

Its not fair, its not fair. Everything that they taught you at school was wrong. Bloody wrong.

Part I:

It had been a long day. The demands it made on me, every hour, till it was almost midnight. A drive back through the yellow streets and the cold winter wind on my face. Lost in thoughts, I notice the two men by the roadside, their faces aglow from the fire they lit from dried twigs, cardboard and newsprint. Conversation is the only companion to drive away the cold. The driver aks me if Aby's baby is getting married to Ash. I tell him probably not. He is the only driver who doesn't drink. Or so it seems. I make a mental note of giving him a good tip if he comes during the final days of the project.

A short flight of four steps and I reached the door. The single steel key is pretty big. Baba always adivised me to tie it to a keychain. Helps prevent losing it, he said. Not this one, its too big to lose. The familiar sound of it fitting into the keyhole, but it wouldnt turn. I remember it takes only two turns to open. The break in the wall where the latch falls in has crumbled at the edges and the third turn is quite unnecessary. But it wouldnt turn. I should try the doorbell. Footsteps on the inside and then the latch fell back. The one without the lock, lower down.

Umm....Its me.
Oh...Do you have the key?
Yeah, but the door was latched from the inside, so I couldnt use it.
Ok, but you will need to close it now.
I'll do it, you go on ahead.

I followed her upstairs. Everyone is sleeping.

Uh, do you want me to fix up something to eat? Dinner?
Oh no, I had it before I came. So its ok.
Ok

Part II:

The human mind is quite fickle. Within the space of a few hours, perspectives take a complete 360 degree turn. Last night watching two people pull each others leg while they ate sambar-chawal with their fingers instead of a fork spoon, I pondered the words 'The more you earn, the more thou shalt be unhappy.' Joy does not measure your bank balance before it decides to plant a smile on your face. It does not look at whether you have the latest cellphone twirling on your hand before it decides to give you a childish pleasure in chewing sweet betel leaf 'paan' and make your tongue go red. Friendship does not wait to give you the privacy of talking to your wife at the end of a long day, but it sure makes the distance more bearable. One of the most calming moments, when your minds in in strife, is watching a man eat his meal after he has well deserved it. Much better than watching spoilt brats, who had all the opportunities in the world, to waste their evenings getting drunk and misbehaving with people they call friends. Or people, who consider it more important to drive to work in a four-wheeler than try and be decent to your colleague. Or than those, who prefer living in a cubbyhole that stinks, because of the garbage that you threw out your window on the street outside,while your address reads the alphabets 'GK'. And then a thought crosses my mind. Who the hell am I to judge that. I like to party. I like the good things in life. Getting too judgemental has always been a worry.

And then I visit IHC. I suppose a city is defined by the buildings it creates, the environs it provides. And I think Delhi would still qualify as the third best.

Part III:

Like a comforting skin
This place
satin black
and the blues

Nurture it with touch
A caress now and then
Till it assumes
an identity of its own

It stares at me
When I come back
Knows all my secrets

But then
they are only half baked thoughts
Mute as it is

there is a silent smile
mocking me
Break me apart
it says

One day,
very soon
You see

I like it
Too much
to let it stay

________________________

'...'
- Mogadishu Blues
Hans Zimmer
OST Black Hawk Down

Not often, you come across someone. Someone that you've known from another world and you feel transported back into another dimension all together. Time seems to have stood still and the mind floods afresh with memories that you thought were long past buried. And like bile rising up in an empty stomach, the loss of that moment to history just sickens you. And when you've given sufficient thought to it, it just ceases to burn your guts and all that you have is a smile on your mind and a glitter in your eye for having been there, once. So many of us live for memories. They hurt, they tear at you and simply don't leave.

It was late evening. The sun had set a while ago and there was some time yet for pitch black. A slight chill in the air, his hands always felt cold. Not hers. And while they sat at a lonesome busstop, watching the figures go by. A cycle, some pedestrians, an occasional car. Passersby would glance at them as they went along their way. Tiredness in the air. A feeling of the overwhelming future that was uncertain, yet filled with hope. The choice of not having to consider it when broken down into miniscule moments. Maybe it was a folly to do that. For it is in those differentiated time frames, things change, events occur, feelings arise, the sumtotal adding up to an eventuality that you refused to pay heed to earlier. While you lost yourself in that moment, breathing the air that was full of joy that it made you giddy...

I think there is some substance to the idea that the more you try and forget, the harder it will be to...

Lets just leave that at that, shall we..

__________________________

And while the day flies into the night,
And days into weeks

It will be an year past
To that moment,
of an year ago

They say that when you are about to do something that might hurt somebody,
think...think a hundred times

And I thought a hundred times...
when all I wanted to do was some good

'kuch log ret par likhe lakeeron ki tarah hote hai...

hawa ka ek jhoka unhe ura deta hai'

- From another movie

so come on now
roll the dice
and play the game

throw all that you got
at me and over
and ill see you

in your field
in your game
in your justice

hit me
with all you can
break me you will not

I'm higher
I'm better
I'm greater

And I'm above it all

_______________________________

*whatever breaks you
teaches you the most

*the opposite of love
isn't hatred...
its indifference

Office Breaks

Three wise men

The weather is changing. It's chilly in the evening nowadays
Yeah, but didnt feel the change
I need a break
To do what?
Sleep
Yeah, sleep
The best is that 16 hour sleep. When you have slept for 12 hours in one position and realize that your back is hurting. Then you turn over and sleep on the tummy till that hurts too. Finally you get up, too tired to sleep.
Hmm...
And then you get up, eat breakfast, read the papers and go back to sleep for another 4 hours
No, I think the best is after you have had lunch that day and lying down watching the TV and fall asleep

Our ambitions have come down to such levels that we dream of watching the idiot box now

It's the sense of touch.

What?

Any real city, you walk, you know?

You brush past people.
People bump into you.

In L.A., nobody touches you.
We're always behind this metal and glass.

I think we miss that touch so much
that we crash into each other
just so we can feel something.

- From the screenplay of 'Crash'
Paul Haggis, Bobby Moresco

The plot has reached a very interesting point now. He loses his good friend, no trace of the body thats riddled with bullets. And he loses the first friend he's made in the city, his face robbed of the jaw that gave him his huge smile, shattered by steel crashing through the windshield of his cab.

_______________________________________
p.s. I'm off comments for a while.

Parineeta

One winter night
That followed a busy day
Discussions and talks
Points volleyed
back and forth

The curtains of dark
rushed, before they could ask
Comprehend the meaning
Of what was to happen

And in bliss
While they discovered each other
Hands, skin and breath
And in that final agony
To each other they belong

Little did they realize
As the dawn broke
How it would hurt
When they tried to scream apart
The skin that was tied

The scars they would leave
for a long, long time

2 Stars

I found two stars today
Twinkle twinkle bright
and the clear October sky
they fell from

Who do they belong to?
The old lady with no teeth
or the man on the pavement
The child with the torn shirt
Curled up, from the cold

Will the stars buy them?
Some warmth and some cheer
of gifts and sweets and lights
or will it give them hope
of the summer tomorrow?

I flipped them around
But didn't find my name

Must have been broken dreams
Those stars they came from

Some of yours,
some mine

This and That

From the greentops of the Northern Mountainous Range to the arid landscapes of Rajasthan
From the gushing torrents of the Ganges to the dry riverbeds of Alwar
From stepped terraces leading to the river banks, to historic forts on hilltops
From ascetics, to doped out firangs, to honeymoon couples, and royalty
From smoothtalking urban dwellers to the sweet meaning village folk
From highrise air-conditioned business hotels, to chilly guesthouses, to 16' high heritage rooms
From politicians, to sophisticated business tycoons, to the next door baniya
From Italian coffee, to sweet masala chai, and beer
From Jodhpur spicy delicacies, to 2 bucks a pack beedi
From flyovers overlooking whizzing cars, to bridges hanging 80' over the river
From noisy cracker bursts, to gently floating diyas
From flights, to trains, cabs and rubber rafts...

'I have no concept of time, other than it is flying
If only I could kill the killer'

- All I Really Want

Alanis Morissette

Foto Shoto

This is the best I could manage with a 2MP cam with no zoom, no exposure options, blah blah blah...

If there was any trip where I missed a camera it would be this one. The trip to Mehrangarh Fort in Jodhpur was just some of the amazing trips down our rich and varied history. The trust there has an option of an audio tour. Highly recommended. More later.

And a very Happy Diwali to all you folks! Hope you having a good time with your near and dear ones!

**The Greeks didn't write obituaries when a man died
They only asked one question -
'Did he have passion?'

- From a movie I like

**The past reflects eternally between two mirrors -
the bright mirror of words and deeds,
and the dark one, full of things we didn't do or say'

- From a book I like

So much for writing about happenings!

I'm back. :)

Nanu

He follows me to my room every night when I come back home waiting to see what little things I get out of my pocket, hopeful he'll get a candy treat

He will wait till I switch on my laptop so he can fiddle around with the keys. The red scroll button fascinates him.

He now tells me before I ask, if he went to school or if it was a holiday. He is always drawing 'A for apple'.

He has exams and there is a sombre look on his face when he is leaving for school those days.

He is forever jealous of his elder sis, Guddu and will peek into her glass when I give them Pepsi, to see if she got more than him.

Every other day he will get naughty and a spanking from his mother ensues. He will then go and sit on the stairs and sulk (after a loud crying session)

He is totally bindaas and will run from the bathroom to the room, stark naked

Today he found a rope and tied it around Guddu's doll's neck and hung it from the staircase railing. That is the only thing I don't understand

kittey vi koi fark si / there wasn't any difference
har kise di koi shart si / they all had some condition
koi mangda mera si sama / some asked for my time
koi hunda surat te fida / some were fascinated with my face
koi mangda meri si vafa / some demanded my fidelity
na koi mangda merian bala / none wanted my demons

jiven rukia / (the) way you paused
si tun zara / slightly
nahion bhulna / i shan't forget
main sari umar / all my life

- Tere Bin

Rabbi Shergill

And the song was supposedly written for his mother

Credits:
Lyrics and Translation

The truth

today

is a lie

tomorrow

and it will cease to matter

day after...

Conversations with Pavan

He: Aaj bhi office mein hai kya?
Me: No, home.
He: Ok, aaj ka kya plan hai?
Me: will go for a movie in the evening or night
He: With whom?
Me: Alone
He: Whats wrong with you??
Me: Nothing is wrong..whats so big in watching a movie alone?
He: I have never seen you doing that before
Me: Well, I have never seen you in that short hair before
He: Saala, kahan se kahan connection nikalta hai

We understand each other so well... :D

Sombre and Dark

'Was it worth it?'

Strangers, all of us

'Are yaar, bahut din baad mile....aaja tere haath se cigarette peeyenge aaj'

'....'

A minute passes. He gets up and walks towards me.

Looks like he hasnt had a bath in an year. I hope that bandage he wearing on his leg isnt some real wound. There are flies around it. Black shorts, dark tee, red cap. Barefeet.

'Yaar, tu bata mujhe, kaun aake tereko maara'

'Huh? mujhe kise ne nahi maara'

'Nahin, to bata yaar aaj, kaun tujhe maara?'

'Kuch nahi bhai, kya baat hai?'

'Yeh topi le, ise pehan'

'Nahin, mujhe nahin chahiye'

'Are tu pahen to le'

I walk to a 10 feet distance. I hope the bus comes soon. Big bad city.

Voices, voices in my head

For
all
the
good
times

we've had

Don't
feel
sad

don't feel sad
don't feel sad
don't feel...

Finally..

Answering the question, 'What does your name mean?' has always been an easy one for most people. Never so for me. Since as long as I can remember, I've been asked that and the only answer I could give was that I have been named after the son of the great Emperor Ashoka. The next question would always be, 'Ok, thats where your name comes from, but what is the meaning of the word?'. I couldn't answer it. Nobody seemed to know. Then somewhere I read that it is similar to 'Kamal' and therefore it probably is another name for the Lotus. And that's what I started telling everyone. And then, after all this time, I finally might have found the answer.

Kunal is the name of a Himalayan bird with beautiful eyes. So Kunal means 'one with beautiful eyes'.

Gee!

____________________________________________

Got a link to this website today. For people who spend 6 of their 8 working hours 'googling', it meant a hearty laugh over it. And if there is anyone unconvinced about the superiority of Google over Yahoo! Search should definitely try it out.

www.gahooyoogle.com

Appy Budday time!!
I love you, tai.

____________________________________________

Every morning and then every evening, I pass by the India Gate and Rajpath. It's a beautiful sight, architecture built to awe, in the silhoutte of the morning mist, and the evening lights. It makes for a wonderful mood, the hope and pride in being an Indian. Maybe its vain to feel that way by only looking at monuments, idol worship, but whats with the reason...

____________________________________________

We are a crazy animal. We take a blade and cut ourselves, just to see if we bleed....

'Topi sambhalo, Dinkar Seth....Hawa baut tez chalta hai, topi ud jaayega....hain?', said AB in Agneepath.